sometimes it’s not about you–it probably rare is

I am a personality test junkie. I am always seeking to understand what makes me tick and what explains the crazy behavior performed by other people. I will admit that I don’t err on the side of mercy, so I will attribute things to character flaws much faster than presupposing that there is some subconscious reasons for relational gaffes. I’m learning, what can I say?

This post is motivated by my frustrations with communication and the lack their of in relationships. It is my small way of working through the truth that sometimes, responses to my person have absolutely nothing to do with me.

My gross anatomy professor in medical school had a saying when we were having a difficult time identifying some obscure muscle or nerve in cadaver lab after agonizing for a long time: “take a deep breath, walk away from it, pray about it, then return.”

I find this to be true with people as well. Sometimes, we are just too close to a situation and we need to take a step away to get perspective and not act like a crazy person or take up offense so readily.

And even when there is a legitimate reason to be hurt or disappointed, it gives us space to understand that in this life, people just fall short. I will (at some point) fall short as well. You cannot force reciprocal vulnerability, you cannot force conversation. So my ENFJ nature of controlling must be checked and I have to live in that reality. Hopefully this results in less ulcers and resentment, and more compassion and understanding.

 

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1 Comment

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One response to “sometimes it’s not about you–it probably rare is

  1. This is why we get along so well. INTJ, here. And I’m the opposite, I generally err on the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt, as I can quickly see a million reasons for any action.

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