You never think your best friend will be dead shortly after you turn 30.
it just isn’t something you think about. or prep yourself for.
my best friend died on Sunday after a short acute sickness and a more protracted illness with flares and remissions.
I saw her in the ICU, sedated and intubated a few days before her death, but I last REALLY talked to her on 30th birthday in March and last REALLY saw her at Christmas.
so much left unsaid. so many plans made that now mean nothing.
I vacillate between grief and stoicism because there is so much else going on. I just don’t know what to feel. or really say. or think.
but I knew I needed to get it out on here. and so I did. there might be more later. this had been rolling around in my head for a bit.