what’s a girl to do

Okay my adoring public.
hahaha. that’s funny.

i’m eating red wine chocolate cake at lunch currently. and listening to the new JT album. it’s going to be on repeat for a while. I can feel it.

so onto boys.

As a background, I am THE world’s best at making guy friends. particularly with men that women want to date. it’s a thing. This has been a fact since Junior High.

Caleb- hands down the best friend a girl could ask for when she is 13, and the desire of many an adolescent white girl at my school. 

Trent, Jamie W., Josh- all the church camp heart throbs

Then there was the “Britt Society” in High School- a group of 3 boys who played soccer/tennis and use to sing “Hail Brittania” when I walked into class. 

And don’t even get me started with college and then medical school.

THE POINT IS THAT THESE GUYS NEVER MADE ANY MOVES ON ME. that were clearly, “Britt I want to date you.”

Yes, they might’ve faked a proposal and marriage on facebook for 2 years, effectively cockblocking themselves.
They quite possibly took me to weddings, or drove my car home for the 4th of July and met my parents.
They could have driven from out of town to take me to a concert for my 23rd birthday and then drive back home that night because they had to work the next day.
Or paid for EVERY thing we ever did together. 
Heck, they even asked me to my own Med School Prom.

But no one ever said anything explicitly that made it as clear as day that they liked me. 
Maybe I’m dumb.

And so now, in my last year of my 20s, this has persisted. quick recap to presently:
1. Britt, I’ll ask you out and go on 3 dates with you and call you when I’m driving home to see my family, and then I’ll tell you over the phone, that in fact, I think you are rad. and we should be friends.

2. Britt, you are so awesome. so cool! wanna go to concerts and talk about music and God? oh, and want to come to my family’s thanksgiving dinner because that is normal even though I would never be interested in anything more than friendship?

AND NOW:
3. Hey, I’m your medical student. I’ll hang out with you the entire rotation. I’ll say we should hang out after the rotation. I’ll be gone for a year, but I’ll keep in touch. Why don’t we have skype dates! I’m back in town, why don’t we grab dinner, go to a garden…let’s talk about what are plans are for the future. 
I won’t make a ton of effort to initiate contact, but will always be available whenever you contact me. I’ll be more than happy to be 100% interested 97% of the time. 

WHAT IN THE WORLD?!

As I prepare to move to NYC, and of course, because God loves me, so is #3. what do I do? Do I discuss this? Do I just decide there is no point? Is it worth it? 
I have been more up front with the first two, and it least it was good to know that once again, I’m in some strange category of cool but not worth dating. (to these men, not in general, don’t worry friends, I do think I am pretty quality).

Your thoughts. please.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “what’s a girl to do

  1. Kristin

    Knowing absolutely nothing more than what you’ve written here, I think you should confront him. Ask him to be honest about his intentions, and establish boundaries accordingly. You do not deserve to be taken advantage of, and if this isn’t really going anywhere for him, then he definitely is taking advantage. So, I say rip off the band-aid and hope for the best, but be confident whatever the outcome that God’s plan is greater than you can ever imagine, and He will provide!

  2. Courtney aka one of the adoring public

    Ditto. I think you should fall back some. He knows that you’re both moving to NYC. Let him initiate interaction and then respond but you should stop doing the bulk of the relational maintenance. Men initiate, women respond. Also, if the opportunity presents itself to address this issue I would suggest taking a lighter approach to the topic because of the prevalent decrease in the boldness and courage necessary for people to make themselves vulnerable and confront real relationship issues. One of my methods is to say something like, “Wow, if we spend any more time together we might as well be dating. (pause for a response which will give you a lot of insight) If he throws it back playfully or seriously, ride out the conversation to a solution.

  3. yeah, I had stopped initiating since the Autumn, and I haven’t seen him. He has been gone since he found out he will be in NYC. So I have considered the idea of maybe not even seeing him if I move to NYC —if he doesn’t initiate anything, and then I don’t, I guess that would be my answer?

    And why does it matter if that happens? (blah—dumb)
    I would survive, of course.

  4. Kristin

    You are surviving, and thriving baby! 🙂

  5. Just text him when you move to NYC. Like, “Just got moved in. Loving NYC so far.” And don’t suggest getting together. Let him take it from there – every time. Throw the ball back in his court every time and let him figure out what to do with it. Instead of the other way around, which is what seems to have been happening.

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