love, or something like it

I am currently reading Anna Karenina. Tolstoy was right, this is definitely his first novel. It is lovely. It is timely. It is spot on for my life right now.

Since it’s my blog and I do what I want, and very few people read it anyway, I’ll be decidedly honest.

I have been single for almost 4 years. The duration of my time in a “big city” where the possibilities of meeting someone splendid were supposedly limitless.

During my time here, I experimented quite briefly with online dating. but I have a love of serendipity and Providence, so it seemed forced, staid, and like a job interview and I couldn’t continue on.
I have a had a couple of friends consider me, and try to set me up with people–the men though quite decent on paper were either not my type, or absolute flakes with no concept of politeness.
then there are the wolves in sheep’s clothing. (gotta love churches).
Just to add insult to injury there is/was a situation which I have gotten really good at getting myself into.
The “safe zone” either because my religion conveniently/supposedly makes me not a serious option for future relationship, or I send out vibes of being assexual, but cool…I have no idea… but for years, men have treated me ALMOST like they would date me, without ever dating me.
I cannot figure it out. I don’t know why.

And now as I read about Vronsky in Tolstoy’s novel, I am in awe of how this fictional character is doing to poor Kitty what men have done to me since I don’t know when.

What I’d like of course is the way Vronsky acts with Anna…except that I’d like to be single and not married to someone I didn’t love before this happens. 🙂
There is nothing really to do, but it does feel better to get this out in the open. I’m sure other women have had this situation.

I leave you with the quote that many a man is most likely oblivious to, granted, exchange “marriage” for “romantic interest” so as not to freak my Y-chromosomed colleagues.

“he did not know that his behavior towards kitty had a specific name, that it was the luring of a young lady without intention of marriage, and that this luring was one of the bad actions common among brilliant young men such as himself. “


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